A warning: I am feeling sorry for myself and feeling enough pity to go around, that you are not required to comment or even read any further.
I'm still grieving. I say that as though it is a brand new concept and I suppose it is. I expected that things would get much easier with time, and when I got past the one year anniversary of my husband's passing, it would be like reaching a milestone or crossing a finishing line. But it wasn't. In fact, in some regards it feels harder. I kind of reached that conclusion last night. I had a very tumultuous day. I wished I could have gone back to bed and start all over, except that I had a very fitful sleep the night before and didn't want to face that prospect again. So I am sitting on the couch watching a few more episodes of a TV series....a comedy actually. The story line is about a young mother who has lost her less-than-one-year-married husband and now it is three years later and feels she has now "lost" her best friend in the world. They are awkward around each other and the young widow confronts her friend about feeling abandoned by her. She is feeling alone and shunned by her friend, and she blurts out, "you were there in the first year, but the second year was harder." I felt as though I had stumbled upon a great revelation.
In fact, this morning I typed into Google "the second year is harder grieving process" and to my surprise, there were pages of results. I didn't know this was a thing. No one had warned me about the second year. No wonder I am feeling lost, depressed, frustrated, but especially ALONE. It has been so difficult to "move on", and I have been feeling like a failure. Why have I not called in a realtor yet? Why am I dragging my feet about selling on Kijiji? Why have I not priced my items for a yard sale yet? Despite all my hard work lately to move forward, I can't pull myself together enough to hold a simple yard sale. I feel deeply abandoned and I'm not sure why. In the months following Rick's death, there was a lot to keep me busy. Forms needed changing. His name had to be removed from accounts. His clothes and possessions were dispersed. There was a lot of bureaucracy and adjustment to living a life as one, after 47 years of being joined-at-the-hip with my life partner. And I had a lot of help in trying to reach those changes. People were responsive to me . They checked in on me. They were always there for me. But lately, some people assume that I require less support because I am obviously in
a better place right now after so much time has passed, and partly because of my insistence that everything is fine; because after all, things are getting done. When people ask me "how are you doing?" I reply good, great, fine......as in, at this point in my grieving, I think I am where I can expect to be. But things will NEVER be good, great, fine because a piece of me is gone forever, and it will never be the same.
The second year is more about coming to grips with being absolutely alone. I feel angry, a LOT. The simplest things frustrate me. I feel paralyzed at times. I have learned to do so much on my own this past year. I feel proud of my accomplishments. But I am tired too. I am tired of being brave, tired of being lonely, tired of asking for help, tired of not having enough money, but mostly tired of being the only one responsible for getting things done. There are days lately when I start crying at the drop of a hat. Waves of grief wash over me. I look at couples together and wonder why they are lucky enough to have each other. Why did he have to die and leave me alone? This is what I am having to come to grips with in this second year. Yes, I have made a decision to sell and move into a two-bedroom apartment with a balcony, but the truth is that I haven't decided yet where I am going to move. It is going to take a lot more time to get ready for this change than I first thought.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
Monday, June 11, 2018
Daybook: Monday, June 11/18
Outside my window.....it is sunny and breezy. It looks like another gorgeous day. I NEED to get outside to mow the lawns today.
I am thinking.....of the past week and all that got accomplished. I am also thinking of all the cards I worked on this weekend in order to build up my stash once again. I am desperately in need of more encouragement cards to mail out.
I am thankful for.....my son for being able to come out on Thursday to help me in loading up more stuff in the dumpster from the shed. I could not have managed it all on my own.
From the kitchen.....I baked a moussaka last night, enough for two or three meals.
I am wearing.....tan coloured capris and a yellow t-shirt with a loon on the front. It is well stained and works well for wearing around the house. I am in bare feet and wearing my hair in a ponytail.
I am creating.....lots of cards at the present time. I've made birthday cards (including masculine), thinking-of-you cards, and encouragement cards (again both masculine and feminine)
I am going.....to the post office today. I have nine cards to mail out this morning. I am expecting a call from my daughter this morning, and then I will head outdoors to mow the grass. I was out yesterday to pick up my prescription and some specials from Shopper's Drug Mart, so there is no need to go out today.
I am hoping.....to hold my first yard sale this Saturday. I need to call some friends today to arrange some helpers and check the long-range forecast to see if the weather will co-operate.
I am hearing.....occasional traffic noise and a lawn mower in the distance.
Around the house.....I have lots of boxes and bags of items that will need pricing this week.
One of my favourite things.....is a conversation with my daughter, or a good friend who is willing to let me bend her ear and vent.
A few plans for the rest of the week.....will primarily revolve around getting ready for the yard sale.
Here's the picture I am sharing.....
Bridal veil shrub.
I am thinking.....of the past week and all that got accomplished. I am also thinking of all the cards I worked on this weekend in order to build up my stash once again. I am desperately in need of more encouragement cards to mail out.
I am thankful for.....my son for being able to come out on Thursday to help me in loading up more stuff in the dumpster from the shed. I could not have managed it all on my own.
From the kitchen.....I baked a moussaka last night, enough for two or three meals.
I am wearing.....tan coloured capris and a yellow t-shirt with a loon on the front. It is well stained and works well for wearing around the house. I am in bare feet and wearing my hair in a ponytail.
I am creating.....lots of cards at the present time. I've made birthday cards (including masculine), thinking-of-you cards, and encouragement cards (again both masculine and feminine)
I am going.....to the post office today. I have nine cards to mail out this morning. I am expecting a call from my daughter this morning, and then I will head outdoors to mow the grass. I was out yesterday to pick up my prescription and some specials from Shopper's Drug Mart, so there is no need to go out today.
I am hoping.....to hold my first yard sale this Saturday. I need to call some friends today to arrange some helpers and check the long-range forecast to see if the weather will co-operate.
I am hearing.....occasional traffic noise and a lawn mower in the distance.
Around the house.....I have lots of boxes and bags of items that will need pricing this week.
One of my favourite things.....is a conversation with my daughter, or a good friend who is willing to let me bend her ear and vent.
A few plans for the rest of the week.....will primarily revolve around getting ready for the yard sale.
Here's the picture I am sharing.....
Friday, June 8, 2018
I Had Plans For This Afternoon.
Yesterday I was excited to get a text from my son that he was on his way. He didn't get that call to go in to work, so he was able to help me go through the shed and determine what to do with the stuff inside. He wasn't feeling well when he arrived so took some Tylenol. We only scratched the surface, but we did make some headway. He took some things away with him, we carried some larger things to the "metal" pile behind the shed, and we put some things in bins to see if they would sell in another yard sale later in the summer. If they don't sell, then they will also go into the "metal" pile. My friend in Charleston Lake bought me a beautiful owl sculpture made from broken and rusty tools from an artist that lives near her. I told her that he could help himself to the junk pile for his inspiration and supplies. At the end of the season, I will load up the trailer and have a friend take me to the scrapyard in Napanee to turn the metal into "cash for my pocket." At least, that is the plan.
So we worked all morning well past one. He left for home and I stopped for lunch. He hadn't felt like eating yet. I continued to carry out pieces from the house during the afternoon, changed my clothes before walking to the polling station to vote, and by this time I was very tired. Fortunately, I had some pork roast in the crock pot and so I just steamed some broccoli and cauliflower for my late dinner. I did not post a blog.
At the end of the day, my dumpster was pretty much filled. Please don't judge me. I know there are things in there that someone could have used on Freecycle. And maybe I could have sold that antique settee for a few dollars. But I have been doing this for a week and I was tired. I have owned these things for a while and never did anything with them and now I want them gone. I don't have time right now for listing things on-line. Yes maybe they would have gone in the yard sale, but if not....Then I would have to get rid of them eventually. Remember. I am basically a hoarder. You can imagine my angst at throwing these things out in the garbage. On the other hand, maybe I should have gotten rid of more.
I was up at 6:30 this morning. I remembered that the dumpster was delivered at 7 AM last Thursday, so I wanted to be here when they arrived. Well, they didn't come until 11:30 AM, so I spent a couple of hours in the backyard pulling weeds. I didn't leave for No-Frills grocers until noon.
Pantry cost me $8.38 More salt (I am completely out) and vinegar to make weed killer. A friend of mine told me to pick up a bag of stevia for home, and just use the box of packets for when I am out. I couldn't believe how much cheaper it is by the bag. I guess I was paying big for the convenience. My total grocery bill came to $82.56
I got home at 1:30 and made a quick lunch of tuna and cottage cheese. I felt like I was going to fall asleep so I made a cup of tea to revive me. I had plans for this afternoon. I was going to call in a prescription to the drug store. I was going to call the company that supplied the dumpster to see what the actual weight was and when I might expect the rest of my deposit back. I wanted to mow both the front and back yards and perhaps continue the weeding of the back gardens. I took one sip of my tea and slept until almost 5 PM. The spirit was strong, but the body gave up before it got out of the starter's gate. I have my veggies with cheese roasting in the oven while I am posting this. I will have leftover pork roast with that and curl up in front of the TV tonight. I don't think I will have any trouble going back to sleep. It has been a particularly busy week. I hope everyone is looking forward to a great weekend.
So we worked all morning well past one. He left for home and I stopped for lunch. He hadn't felt like eating yet. I continued to carry out pieces from the house during the afternoon, changed my clothes before walking to the polling station to vote, and by this time I was very tired. Fortunately, I had some pork roast in the crock pot and so I just steamed some broccoli and cauliflower for my late dinner. I did not post a blog.
I was up at 6:30 this morning. I remembered that the dumpster was delivered at 7 AM last Thursday, so I wanted to be here when they arrived. Well, they didn't come until 11:30 AM, so I spent a couple of hours in the backyard pulling weeds. I didn't leave for No-Frills grocers until noon.
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| Produce (fresh and frozen) cost me $38.67 (two frozen oriental mix veggies, 2 broccoli and cauliflower, one 2-kg. bag of imperfect blueberries, 1 Italian mix veggies, 2 large zucchini, 2 cabbage, 1 small turnip, 4-pk of sweet peppers, English cucumber, and 6 count bag of avocados. I like to eat a snack of sliced cold cucumber with cheese, like cheese and crackers. |
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| Meat cost $15.81 (2 trays of chicken thighs at $2/lb. and salami |
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| Dairy cost $19.69 I only picked up 1 dozen eggs for $2.27 because Shopper's usually sell their eggs for $1.88 a doz. on Saturday and Sunday. |
I got home at 1:30 and made a quick lunch of tuna and cottage cheese. I felt like I was going to fall asleep so I made a cup of tea to revive me. I had plans for this afternoon. I was going to call in a prescription to the drug store. I was going to call the company that supplied the dumpster to see what the actual weight was and when I might expect the rest of my deposit back. I wanted to mow both the front and back yards and perhaps continue the weeding of the back gardens. I took one sip of my tea and slept until almost 5 PM. The spirit was strong, but the body gave up before it got out of the starter's gate. I have my veggies with cheese roasting in the oven while I am posting this. I will have leftover pork roast with that and curl up in front of the TV tonight. I don't think I will have any trouble going back to sleep. It has been a particularly busy week. I hope everyone is looking forward to a great weekend.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Two Days. Two Big Projects.
Monday and Tuesday remained overcast, wet, dreary and COOL (temperature wise), and yes, rainy as well. After working on Sunday to load up the dumpster, I was feeling tired and sore, and the last thing I wanted to do was continue the work loading up the dumpster. But I pulled on my big girl pants, went down into the basement and cleared it out. You might remember when I first went down there earlier in the year to clean out boxes and bins of STUFF before having the problem of the flooding fixed.( It turned out to be a broken motor on the furnace pump that redirects the condensation that builds up in the gas furnace.) Anyways, all those items were brought upstairs and dealt with at the time so that nothing went back downstairs. It also led to the eventual cleanup of the shelves leading down to the basement and all the hardware being sorted upstairs in the entrance room. I threw out a lot of stuff and collected lots of "toxics" that I was able to load into the van and take to the Recycle plant last month. It was a HUGE job that went on for weeks. However, I left an old carpet and lots of wood down there because I knew that sometime this summer I would bring in a dumpster and I could get rid of it then. Besides, I was deadly tired of working another day down in that dungeon. UGH. UGH. So Monday was the day and I did not stop until the basement was cleaned out....not the sweeping up, mind you. That is for another day.
Yesterday, my carpenter friend, his wife, and young adolescent daughter came over to help. My friend got my small travel trailer opened up. I had not been able to get the door opened on that. My husband and I traveled across Canada one summer and had a wonderful trip in this little trailer for two, but I have lots of photos documented to remember that time. Yesterday, we got everything out of there. Most of it ended up in the dumpster, and some will go into the yard sale. I am giving the trailer away to another neighbour to use as a hunting cabin. Then they helped me take all that wood from the basement from the back of the house where I had piled it up, to the dumpster. I signed over the ownership to the van into his wife's name. We measured up materials to build the back deck so that when I am ready to proceed, I will know how much to order. He is scheduled for brain surgery to remove 3 tumors and open up his skull at the temple, this Friday. He still remains positive but is keenly aware of the risks and possible outcomes of the surgery itself.
After they left I felt emboldened to don my gloves and mask and attempt the project I have been avoiding for days. I was going to tackle the attic. What a mess! I removed the filthy bins and took them downstairs outside the back door. I knew the stuff inside would be clean and untouched. All the cardboard boxes it seemed were torn apart and strewn everywhere. The contents of the boxes were underneath shredded newspaper, Styrofoam insulation and pink fiberglass insulation. I was down on my knees looking for the contents (mostly china dishes) and repacking them into boxes and bins before bringing them down to the kitchen. I bagged most of the "crap" into three big garbage bags. (And by crap, I am also referring to raccoon feces). Now that I could see where I was walking, I was able to drag out all of the larger pieces on my own. Those pieces were dusty but clean. Fortunately, the feces were contained to the "litter" they had created on the floor, which was now all swept up. There is nothing left inside the attic. The job took several hours but it is a big job done. In the attic I was sweating, so I was thankful it was a very cool day outdoors. I couldn't imagine having to do the same work on a hot summer's day. I stripped off the mask, stepped out of my clothes, threw them into the washer, and hit the shower and washed my hair. I washed up all the dishes, TWICE, in bleach water and then through the dishwasher. Amazingly, only one teacup lost its handle. Today I am left with the task of taking that stuff I left outside the back door out to the dumpster.
The dumpster is filling up. The company will be by Friday morning to take it away for me. I don't know that I can find too much more to fill it up, except from the shed perhaps. I am quickly running out of steam, but I am hoping my son can come out tomorrow. He may have to go into work. This afternoon I have a doctor's appointment, so cannot see myself wanting to do too much today. I will probably take a break.
Monday, June 4, 2018
Daybook: Monday, June 4/18
Outside my window.....it is a wet, foggy and cool Monday morning. It started to pour rain late yesterday afternoon and throughout the night.
I am thinking.....of all the work that was accomplished yesterday afternoon before the rains. My friend arrived with one of his adult sons to help me load the dumpster. My friend actually did not do much of the demolition. I sent him with my van and some cash to go pick up the materials he wanted to finish the step for the front deck. While he was out, he ran into a lot of his contractor friends who wanted to talk and visit with him. He came back energized and I think it did him a world of good.
I am thankful for.....all the help I received from "the hard-working son" who is young and capable and knows a lot about construction and demolition. He is a police officer in Ottawa who came down this weekend to be with his father and instead ended up at my house helping ME out. He told me he had a lot of stress to get out and this was HIS therapy. I only hope I was a help to him.
From the kitchen.....I was able to shred and saute a head of cabbage yesterday morning, and then I roasted 4 chicken legs before dinner.
I am wearing.....black jeans, black socks, and a "working" t-shirt. If it clears up, I will do some more outdoor work.
I am creating.....more encouragement cards and a Father's Day card. I have five birthday cards to mail out this month.
I am going.....nowhere today.
I am hoping.....for a successful brain surgery for my friend in the next couple of weeks. I am hoping for good blood results for my DIL so they can proceed with the second round of chemo. I am hoping that my son will be able to come out sometime this week to give me a hand with going through the shed and throwing things in the dumpster or deciding what we may be able to sell. I am hoping I can find a realtor who will advise me on the sale of my house.
I am hearing.....a lot of traffic. Because of construction, or sheer volume of traffic on the 401 highway, this highway #2 is becoming busier all the time. I am also hearing birds close by and my kettle boiling to remind me that I am fixing a cup of tea. BRB.
Around the house.....I managed to vacuum the downstairs floors around the boxes and bins of STUFF going into a yard sale. I caught up all the laundry on Saturday (washed, hung on the line, folded and put away). I made up more weed killer to use this week.
One of my favourite things.....again, is Facebook Messenger that keeps me in touch with family.
A few plans for the rest of the week.....include a Doctor's appointment this Wednesday. This is one I missed last month and had to be rescheduled. Otherwise, I will only be concentrating on loading up the dumpster before it has to be picked up by Thursday. There are still items in the basement, as well as the shed, that need to be cleared out. I need to investigate the cost of taking down a tree branch and clearing out one section of my property that is overgrown with downed trees and tall weeds. UGH!
Here's the picture I am sharing.....
I am thinking.....of all the work that was accomplished yesterday afternoon before the rains. My friend arrived with one of his adult sons to help me load the dumpster. My friend actually did not do much of the demolition. I sent him with my van and some cash to go pick up the materials he wanted to finish the step for the front deck. While he was out, he ran into a lot of his contractor friends who wanted to talk and visit with him. He came back energized and I think it did him a world of good.
I am thankful for.....all the help I received from "the hard-working son" who is young and capable and knows a lot about construction and demolition. He is a police officer in Ottawa who came down this weekend to be with his father and instead ended up at my house helping ME out. He told me he had a lot of stress to get out and this was HIS therapy. I only hope I was a help to him.
From the kitchen.....I was able to shred and saute a head of cabbage yesterday morning, and then I roasted 4 chicken legs before dinner.
I am wearing.....black jeans, black socks, and a "working" t-shirt. If it clears up, I will do some more outdoor work.
I am creating.....more encouragement cards and a Father's Day card. I have five birthday cards to mail out this month.
I am going.....nowhere today.
I am hoping.....for a successful brain surgery for my friend in the next couple of weeks. I am hoping for good blood results for my DIL so they can proceed with the second round of chemo. I am hoping that my son will be able to come out sometime this week to give me a hand with going through the shed and throwing things in the dumpster or deciding what we may be able to sell. I am hoping I can find a realtor who will advise me on the sale of my house.
I am hearing.....a lot of traffic. Because of construction, or sheer volume of traffic on the 401 highway, this highway #2 is becoming busier all the time. I am also hearing birds close by and my kettle boiling to remind me that I am fixing a cup of tea. BRB.
Around the house.....I managed to vacuum the downstairs floors around the boxes and bins of STUFF going into a yard sale. I caught up all the laundry on Saturday (washed, hung on the line, folded and put away). I made up more weed killer to use this week.
One of my favourite things.....again, is Facebook Messenger that keeps me in touch with family.
A few plans for the rest of the week.....include a Doctor's appointment this Wednesday. This is one I missed last month and had to be rescheduled. Otherwise, I will only be concentrating on loading up the dumpster before it has to be picked up by Thursday. There are still items in the basement, as well as the shed, that need to be cleared out. I need to investigate the cost of taking down a tree branch and clearing out one section of my property that is overgrown with downed trees and tall weeds. UGH!
Here's the picture I am sharing.....
Saturday, June 2, 2018
A Perfect Day For Working Outside
It is sunny and only going to reach a high of 24 C. The low today is only 13C....perfect for sleeping at night. There is a slight breeze and it is just a gorgeous day outside. So why am I finding it so difficult to get outdoors to get some work done? Why am I not motivated today? Even if I decided to stay indoors, it is cool enough to get my vacuuming done without me sweating bricks like I did yesterday when it was so hot and muggy before the rains arrived. I went through all of my picture frames, of which I own a LOT, and I decided to dust them off and wash all the glass plates for the yard sale. I am taking so very few with me when I leave. I will take some paintings that my mother made for me, but I will likely keep most of my photos in Memory Books, and not on the walls or on top of furniture to collect dust. But that is how I decided to spend my day yesterday and it felt like such a waste of time. I received more bad news. As you know, my friend has been helping me out here at home. Yesterday he was going to be admitted to hospital to receive intravenous antibiotic for some infection that was swelling one side of his face and also his brain. Well, he isn't in the hospital. It isn't infection. He is full of brain cancer. Yes, they took a scan after his radiation of head and neck cancer and found no cancer at all, BUT....they only scanned his neck where he was receiving the radiation. The cancer had moved and NOBODY thought to also scan his head??? It is very invasive and he is currently taking steroids to keep the swelling down. Within the next two weeks, he will require brain surgery to remove the largest tumor and to open the skull for the next round of radiation. I think I am still in shock and I am trying to process this new information.
In the meantime, he is STILL planning on coming here tomorrow with his adult son to fill my dumpster. And his wife is in complete agreement. What the....? His wife and I had a lo-o-ong talk last night. The steroids are giving him LOTS of energy and he is feeling really good. This work is important to him and he is feeling valued and productive. This is a way for him and his son to spend time together. "Going to work" at my place gives him something to look forward to. I am in agreement with all the reasons, but it is awfully hard for me to accept, as it seems like I am the benefactor in this case. I have agreed that until his doctors tell him to quit the physical labour, he will be allowed to come here and do what he wants to do, but the van has been paid for already. He doesn't NEED to come any more.
Yesterday I was greeted by my first poppy blooms. My late step-father always told me you could set your calendar by the poppies, as they came into bloom on June 1st. So naturally I got to thinking about him. I will more than likely remember June 1st for my step father than the actual date of his death in October. Today there are eleven huge blooms and lots of buds waiting to open. They are gorgeous flowers but only last a little while, so I am always happy to see them.
It is 2 PM. I wrote out a monthly recap this morning on my blog and hung out only one load of laundry on the line. I have stripped the bed and the dining room table and could wash two more loads of laundry this afternoon. I desperately need to clean my floors, so I need to give my head a shake and get moving. As my reward for getting things done, I will make a few more encouragement cards to mail out. I hope everyone is having either a productive weekend or a much needed relaxed weekend. Be happy.
In the meantime, he is STILL planning on coming here tomorrow with his adult son to fill my dumpster. And his wife is in complete agreement. What the....? His wife and I had a lo-o-ong talk last night. The steroids are giving him LOTS of energy and he is feeling really good. This work is important to him and he is feeling valued and productive. This is a way for him and his son to spend time together. "Going to work" at my place gives him something to look forward to. I am in agreement with all the reasons, but it is awfully hard for me to accept, as it seems like I am the benefactor in this case. I have agreed that until his doctors tell him to quit the physical labour, he will be allowed to come here and do what he wants to do, but the van has been paid for already. He doesn't NEED to come any more.
It is 2 PM. I wrote out a monthly recap this morning on my blog and hung out only one load of laundry on the line. I have stripped the bed and the dining room table and could wash two more loads of laundry this afternoon. I desperately need to clean my floors, so I need to give my head a shake and get moving. As my reward for getting things done, I will make a few more encouragement cards to mail out. I hope everyone is having either a productive weekend or a much needed relaxed weekend. Be happy.
May's Recap
I knew I hadn't written out a list of goals for May, but I was curious to know how my month stacked up against my 2018 goals for the year. Reading through my post for the past month, it felt like I had lived a lifetime. So much had happened since I returned home from my 2 week trip to Elliot Lake.
Environment:
House- I did not get my Spring Cleaning accomplished by May. My circumstances have changed, so I focused more on purging items and downsizing my belongings. I have yet to hold my first yard sale, but I was able to sell some items through the online Kijiji. Once I am rid of the items destined to leave, I will be able to give the house a good clean, get rid of even more items, and bring in a realtor. But I am pretty sure I have given up the idea of selling this house until early next Spring (March or April).
Garden- I have given up on the idea of growing my veggie garden this summer. I have simply run out of time. To make the property look more attractive to buyers, I will focus on the flower beds, keeping the property mowed and kept up. I have brought in a dumpster to get rid of all the old wood from past projects and lots of other items around the yard, including inside the work shed. I am transplanting some perennials from one of my biggest flower beds so I can turn that garden back into lawn. I will bring in more mulch, after examining whether or not I can find free or cheap mulch sources. I am also thinning out lots of perennials to give away to friends and family. I will be pulling weeds and roto tilling my vegetable garden later in the season so people can see there is a very large vegetable garden. (This is a complete contradiction of my 2018 goals of putting emphasis on my vegetable garden and not in the flower beds) My riding lawn mower is back for servicing, but I have not yet heard back about how much it will cost to repair it. I have people who will show me how to use it. Later this summer, after I have finished using them, I should be able to sell the snow blower, the riding mower, the roto tiller, the pressure washer and the utility trailer. I will have another yard sale just to sell off the tools from the shed and all the summer outdoor furniture.
Finances:
Spending- This is also a contradiction of my 2018 goals. I am spending money on new (lumber, hardware, and new blades for tools needed to complete the projects) Wherever I can save on materials by re-using old, we are making substitutes. I am putting money into the property, which I vowed not to do, but again because of changed circumstances, I needed to replace the front and back decks because they were a liability issue before I could sell the house. However, I was able to trade Rick's van for labour. Other people's help is what I need the most.
I continue to track what I spend on food and non-food items. I have used loyalty points this past month to buy plants, tools, primer, and the like. I received a $25 gift certificate in the mail this past week for a grocery store, after I applied as part of a class action suit. I continue to collect Optimum points when I shop at No-Frills and Shopper's Drug Mart, and I fill in Pinecone Surveys when they come to me on-line. (I receive $3 a survey, but they have not been very plentiful lately) I am making more birthday gifts for my adult children and my parents. I made some money selling some furniture on Kijiji.
Saving- Although I have been able to squirrel away a few extra dollars each month to apply extra payments to my credit card, I am spending more right now.
Family and Friends: Facebook messenger has made it much easier to maintain close relationships with my family. I drove up North to spend two weeks with family late in April and beginning of May. I drove to Bradford to spend a weekend with my daughter and family. I attended a lovely Mother's Day dinner with my son and his fiancee. I drove to Charleston Lake to spend a day with friends and made a Memory Book for the birthday recipient. I went out to dinner and a movie with girl friends this past week. I talked on the phone with one of my husband's cousins, and sent a letter and sent photos to another cousin of his who is battling cancer. I am continuing a card campaign with my DIL in BC, who is now more than halfway through her cancer treatment. I made 6 birthday cards and 6 "gifts" for family members in the past month.
Health: I saw three doctors and missed one (oops1) That one has been rescheduled for this week. I saw the ENT doctor and there is nothing they can do about the loss of smell. I had a colposcopy but don't expect anything as a result of that. I saw my GP and received antibiotics for the tick bite on my back. My thyroid is good and I am still losing weight and inches, but my sugar is creeping back up. Not sure why.
Crafts and Leisure: I made two Memory books as gifts this past month. I finished the embroidered pillow slip for my son's fiancee's birthday. I "made" colour gifts and birthday cards for three male members of my family. One was a box of ALL yellow gifts with a card that said "sending you sunshine on your birthday." The other two gifts were boxes of ALL orange gifts with a card that read "Orange you glad it's your birthday?" So easy to do and brings a smile to the birthday boy, especially if some of those coloured gifts are snacks or chocolate. Think Reese's Pieces (orange) or M&M peanuts (yellow). Unfortunately, I don't think I took any photographs of the finished gifts. I continue to make encouragement cards as I need them, but I still have a healthy supply of birthday cards.
Environment:
House- I did not get my Spring Cleaning accomplished by May. My circumstances have changed, so I focused more on purging items and downsizing my belongings. I have yet to hold my first yard sale, but I was able to sell some items through the online Kijiji. Once I am rid of the items destined to leave, I will be able to give the house a good clean, get rid of even more items, and bring in a realtor. But I am pretty sure I have given up the idea of selling this house until early next Spring (March or April).
Garden- I have given up on the idea of growing my veggie garden this summer. I have simply run out of time. To make the property look more attractive to buyers, I will focus on the flower beds, keeping the property mowed and kept up. I have brought in a dumpster to get rid of all the old wood from past projects and lots of other items around the yard, including inside the work shed. I am transplanting some perennials from one of my biggest flower beds so I can turn that garden back into lawn. I will bring in more mulch, after examining whether or not I can find free or cheap mulch sources. I am also thinning out lots of perennials to give away to friends and family. I will be pulling weeds and roto tilling my vegetable garden later in the season so people can see there is a very large vegetable garden. (This is a complete contradiction of my 2018 goals of putting emphasis on my vegetable garden and not in the flower beds) My riding lawn mower is back for servicing, but I have not yet heard back about how much it will cost to repair it. I have people who will show me how to use it. Later this summer, after I have finished using them, I should be able to sell the snow blower, the riding mower, the roto tiller, the pressure washer and the utility trailer. I will have another yard sale just to sell off the tools from the shed and all the summer outdoor furniture.
Finances:
Spending- This is also a contradiction of my 2018 goals. I am spending money on new (lumber, hardware, and new blades for tools needed to complete the projects) Wherever I can save on materials by re-using old, we are making substitutes. I am putting money into the property, which I vowed not to do, but again because of changed circumstances, I needed to replace the front and back decks because they were a liability issue before I could sell the house. However, I was able to trade Rick's van for labour. Other people's help is what I need the most.
I continue to track what I spend on food and non-food items. I have used loyalty points this past month to buy plants, tools, primer, and the like. I received a $25 gift certificate in the mail this past week for a grocery store, after I applied as part of a class action suit. I continue to collect Optimum points when I shop at No-Frills and Shopper's Drug Mart, and I fill in Pinecone Surveys when they come to me on-line. (I receive $3 a survey, but they have not been very plentiful lately) I am making more birthday gifts for my adult children and my parents. I made some money selling some furniture on Kijiji.
Saving- Although I have been able to squirrel away a few extra dollars each month to apply extra payments to my credit card, I am spending more right now.
Family and Friends: Facebook messenger has made it much easier to maintain close relationships with my family. I drove up North to spend two weeks with family late in April and beginning of May. I drove to Bradford to spend a weekend with my daughter and family. I attended a lovely Mother's Day dinner with my son and his fiancee. I drove to Charleston Lake to spend a day with friends and made a Memory Book for the birthday recipient. I went out to dinner and a movie with girl friends this past week. I talked on the phone with one of my husband's cousins, and sent a letter and sent photos to another cousin of his who is battling cancer. I am continuing a card campaign with my DIL in BC, who is now more than halfway through her cancer treatment. I made 6 birthday cards and 6 "gifts" for family members in the past month.
Health: I saw three doctors and missed one (oops1) That one has been rescheduled for this week. I saw the ENT doctor and there is nothing they can do about the loss of smell. I had a colposcopy but don't expect anything as a result of that. I saw my GP and received antibiotics for the tick bite on my back. My thyroid is good and I am still losing weight and inches, but my sugar is creeping back up. Not sure why.
Crafts and Leisure: I made two Memory books as gifts this past month. I finished the embroidered pillow slip for my son's fiancee's birthday. I "made" colour gifts and birthday cards for three male members of my family. One was a box of ALL yellow gifts with a card that said "sending you sunshine on your birthday." The other two gifts were boxes of ALL orange gifts with a card that read "Orange you glad it's your birthday?" So easy to do and brings a smile to the birthday boy, especially if some of those coloured gifts are snacks or chocolate. Think Reese's Pieces (orange) or M&M peanuts (yellow). Unfortunately, I don't think I took any photographs of the finished gifts. I continue to make encouragement cards as I need them, but I still have a healthy supply of birthday cards.
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