I've lost my Mojo

 I started a Daybook Monday. I was going to write a Goals Update. I ended up doing neither. But it is the end of the evening, so I will need to do another short update to let everyone know that things are okay. I am just tired and feeling sorry for myself.

I took another day off from going in to see my Sweetie in hospital. I thought I would use the day constructively to catch up on all those things that need doing. I started with emptying the dishwasher and then I went straight to my Craft Room to make and write a birthday card for my grand daughter, using a background mat I constructed with scraps of papers (as was one of my goals for using up craft materials that I already possess). I phoned the Heart Failure Clinic to cancel my husband's appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I wrote out a cheque for a bill that came in the mail (not a monthly expenditure). I made a chicken veggie soup for lunch and read some emails and blog posts. I walked to the post office to mail the cheque and the card. It had pretty much snowed here all morning, and now the wind had picked up and it was very blustery and the roads were nasty. I was glad I had decided not to drive into town today. My son and his GF took both cats to the apartment last night, leaving the dog and myself quite alone.

Meanwhile at the hospital, the levels of Advagraf in my husband's system are coming down. (I thought it had reached a maximum of 12 but in actual fact, it reached upwards of 19) They want his level at 2. I don't know at what level it is presently, but they are re-introducing the anti-rejection drug again this evening. The urine sample they took last Tuesday when he entered Emergency is now growing a culture (???), and Internal medicine has found "something" on his heart valve. They are going to do yet another echo cardiogram. So I lay down on the couch this afternoon and slept ALL afternoon. The wind has temporarily left my sails. I don't feel like doing anything right now, so I will probably go to bed early and sleep some more. Tomorrow will be a brand new day.

Saturday update

This is just a short note to let you know the results of the biopsy came in. The Advagraf (an anti-rejection drug) built up in his system to dangerous levels which caused platelets to "band together" to stop the flow of blood from the renal artery into the kidney. They stopped the Advagraf immediately and hooked up a slow  IV to flush out his system. They have to be careful that the fluid does not gather in his lungs or too much in his legs. The creatinine levels are coming down. They are still higher than the levels that sent him to hospital, but they are coming down. The biopsy has basically confirmed that they are on the right course of action. He will remain in hospital for a few days.

TGIF

There is no particular reason why I am happy Friday is here. It's not because I worked too hard and deserve the time off. I am still no further ahead knowing how long my Sweetie is going to be in the hospital or even if the doctors have set up a treatment plan. I am just glad there is some type of closure to the week I have had.

I called my husband around noon to see if he had heard any results from the kidney biopsy they performed on him yesterday. He hadn't heard anything, so I left immediately to go have a visit with him. I sat for almost three hours just watching him doze off and on and I really hoped I would be there when the doctors finally did their rounds. It didn't happen. Finally, a porter came to take him to his Radiation appointment, so that was my cue to leave. I think he was glad I came to see him, but I got absolutely nothing accomplished at home today. There is no sense even writing down my To-Do list, as it remains the undone items on yesterday's list. I still have my Christmas decorations up and I have not made a birthday card for my grand daughter yet. I spent $3 on parking and $2.55 on a Tim Horton's small double double and an apple fritter for my Sweetie, because he begged me. Otherwise today would also have been a no-spend day. I got home at 4, just in time to feed the dog and take him out for his second constitutional of the day. I made a chicken stir-fry with basmati rice, and there is enough for dinner tomorrow. My son has come home to spend tonight and tomorrow here packing up some of the belongings to go over to the new apartment. Hopefully, there will be more news to share tomorrow.

Thursday update

Some routines are ingrained in us through necessity. Because we own a dog, I have to get up with him in the morning. That is why I get dressed first thing. It doesn't matter how tired or how sick one is, you have to take the dog outside. I bring him in and make sure his food and water bowls are filled, and while he eats, I put on the electric kettle and make myself a cup of coffee. The dog is finished now and needs to go outside again for his first constitutional of the day. That of course deserves a doggie biscuit when we come back inside. I sit at the computer to drink my cup of coffee and check through my emails to see if there is anything pressing that needs my attention, like personal emails. If not, then I go to my favourite blogs and get caught up on those. This morning before I opened my email list, I phoned my Sweetie to wish him good morning. He didn't sound as good as he did last night. They were taking several blood samples and apparently his creatinine levels were on the rise again. I resolved to get a few things done at home and then I would drive in to stay with him this afternoon.

To-Do list:

Feed and water the livestock ( one dog and two cats)    Done

Unload the dishwasher. I turned on the dishwasher before going to bed last night.    Done

At least two loads of laundry      Done     I stripped my bed and washed all the sheets, pillow cases, and the quilted mattress protector and washed in hot water and 1/4 cup bleach. I also did a load of whites in hot  water and a little bleach. I used vinegar in both rinses and I used the dryer after 11 AM  to dry both loads

Scoop both litter boxes     Done     I do the downstairs box while my son does the upstairs, but they haven't been home since New Year's Eve Saturday. Now I know why the cats have been downstairs a whole lot more since the weekend. How disgusting.

Fold yesterday's dryer load of throws and put the fleece blanket cover back on the couch.     Done

Bring down all the trash containers from different rooms in the house and combine with kitchen garbage to take outside to the outdoor trash bin.     Done   but not in time for today's collection.

Sort through all the kitchen recycling and take outside to the outdoor Recycle Bins     Done    but not in time for today's collection.

Nap     Done      I did not go in to see my Sweetie again 2 days in a row.

Make a birthday card for my oldest grand daughter

Take down the decorations from the tree and put it away

Put away garlands, lights and other Christmas decorations.

Swap out Christmas decor for year round paintings and decor

Clean off dining room table and chairs

Vacuum downstairs

wash scatter mats

purge 5 more items     I have not purged ANY items yet, but I will get rid of 25 this week.

While eating lunch and before lying down for a nap, I called my Sweetie again. He told me they were going to take him down for a biopsy of his kidney. There would be no sense going down if he wasn't there in the room. He would not be going for his Radiation therapy today, and he would call me when it was all over. He called shortly after 3:30 and woke me up. He doesn't have results yet and he sounded very tired. He was going to sleep. Hopefully, we will get some kind of news tonight. I have since fed the dog again and taken him out for his second constitutional. Now I will heat up a bowl of yesterday's pea soup and make myself a fried egg sandwich for supper, watch the news and wait for a phone call.  While watching television, I may or may not take the decorations off the tree. While doing the few things I managed this morning, I did work up a sweat. I still have a bit of cough and my head sounds full when I speak to people on the phone. I know I am getting better, but it has been very slow. I am drinking lots and getting a lot of sleep.

Middle of the first week

So in the hopes of starting the New Year fresh and with enthusiasm, I made a weekly "To-Do" list starting with Monday Jan 2nd.

Write a Daybook post for Monday  Done

Respond to blogs.   Some of them, but I am way behind on others. *Waves to Laura and Alison*

Unplug outdoor Christmas lights.   Done

Make double batch of marinara sauce for the freezer    Done

Post Goals for 2017 on Blog    Done

Wash a super load of dark wash in cold water   Done

Take kitchen compost to the garden compost  Done

Nap     Done  Yes I actually scheduled in a nap into my day. I think that is why I was able to accomplish the few things I wrote down to accomplish.

Then yesterday, Tuesday, I wrote out a longer list. With the goals in the back of my mind, I made my list from my gut much like Nathalie did here. I felt I needed to make a list of jobs that I would like accomplished and needed to be done.

Unload the dishwasher and load up again.    Done, but didn't fill it up until after dinner tonight.

Birthday card to my Oldest grand daughter in Vancouver

Mark my Sweetie's doctors' appointments into my pocket calendar for January/February 2017   Done

Fold yesterday's laundry from the dryer and put away    Done


Throw a load of furniture covers and throw into the washer on cold water      Done and threw them in the dryer last night

Wash kitchen counters, stove top, microwave oven and dog's water and food bowls   Only some of it was done before I was interrupted.

Clean off dining room table and chairs

Take out garbage and recycling

Take down decorations and put away the tree

Gather up Xmas wrapping paper, ribbons and bags and put away for reuse

Vacuum downstairs

wash scatter mats

replace Christmas wall decor with my pictures and regular decor

scoop kitty litter trays      I only got to the downstairs litter box while cleaning the bathroom. 

wash downstairs powder room   I only washed the toilet and sink. I did not get to clean the floor.

Purge at least 5 items   

I made pea soup with ham in the crock pot for dinner tonight.

So you may be wondering right now, what happened to my resolve? my enthusiasm? Well, I keep mentioning that life gets in the way, and here was another example. My Sweetie had his radiation appointment early yesterday morning at 8:30. We left our house before 7:30 to get there in plenty of time. Radiation went well, but my Sweetie did not feel particularly well. He had been having trouble off and on with voiding his bladder and had been attributing the problem to the prostate, as that is one of the symptoms. But on top of that, he was worried about the transplanted kidney. So I suggested we go upstairs to the Transplant Clinic to have blood drawn. There were no transplant clinics going on this week and so no phlebotomy technician was available, but we got a requisition to have it done in the cancer ward. We got home and I did manage to get a few things knocked off my list when the phone rang an hour after we got home. My husband's creatinine levels were indeed up and they wanted us back in the Emergency ward. His kidney was failing. They eventually admitted him, but I didn't get home until after 8:30 last night. 

My "To-Do" list today remains exactly the same. I did nothing on the list but I napped  when I wasn't on the phone. I did not go in today. We had some white-out conditions on the road. The hospital was running many tests and they were now responsible to get him to his radiation appointment. I just rested and worried. But I am happier to report that they now have a reason why the kidney was failing and things have turned around. They suspect that one of his anti-rejection drugs had been building up to dangerous levels in his body, forcing the creatinine levels up. It is because my husband had not been eating and drinking enough. He has had no appetite at all, and the more I tried to get him to eat something, he was stubbornly fighting back. 

So the good news is that he could be home very soon. I will feel better when he's better, and I will eventually get back to working on my list of "To-Do"s. 

Money spent so far this week: Monday was a no-spend day. Yesterday, we put $25 worth of gas in the tank on the way home from radiation and spent only $3 on parking all day. I was fortunate to have parked in the underground Cancer parking when I went back to the Emergency ward and I think the parking attendants are very forgiving when a patient with a pink cancer tag has gone over the allotted time. I paid for two hours, but went over 8 hours. I should have got a ticket, but I was lucky. I would have paid the ticket because I did not want to leave my husband's side. And then today was also a no-spend day. Yippee.

Personal goals for 2017

Family:

 I need to try harder to stay in touch with my mom. Ideally, that would mean phoning her at least once a week....perhaps the same day each week, so she will come to expect them. If I do not phone her, then I must make and send her a card.

Continue to send my young nephews and nieces some cards on special holidays and make more "Just because I love you" cards for my grandchildren.

Health:

I would like to lose 20 pounds over the course of this year, and keep it off. I will consume less sugar and starches and eat more soups and vegetables.

I hate exercise, but I will attempt to walk more and work out of doors in the good weather. 

Special projects:

I need to save money just for some special projects I would like to happen this year.

• tear down and rebuild a new deck in the back yard
• outside painting
• new laminate in the Master bedroom
• repair and tile the kitchen floor

Crafts:

I will learn to use my sewing machine to use up some of my fabric stash
I will make mats for my card making from bits of paper scraps that I have been collecting
I will try to learn more complicated knitting patterns, instead of just dishcloths.
I need to make at least 3 scrapbooks this winter.

Purging and Organization:

I will purge at least 5 items a day, or 25 a week, and I will post about it.

Maintenance and Preparedness:

 I will try to learn more skills for myself in  DIY and upcycling and share about it on my blog

Finances:

I need to write down every penny I make, spend on food, spend on sundries, and save for a special project

Accountability:

I will be better at reporting on my weekly and monthly goals.

Daybook: Monday, January 2/17

Outside my window.....the day is really sunny. There is water dripping from the eaves of the verandah from snow melting on the roof. Normally, I would be tempted to bring in my outdoor Christmas decorations, but I am still sick with this cold. Maybe I will just pull out the plugs from the timers so they no longer turn on at dusk.

I am thinking.....that I need to rest still today to try and shake this cold. I also need to gather my thoughts and plan out my goals for the next year. I need to look at my new budget.

I am thankful.....that we get a break today from another round of radiation therapy. We don't have to go anywhere today.

From the kitchen.....my crock pot has been working overtime the last few days. I was given a stewing hen on Wednesday which I cooked overnight in the crock. I made chicken soup with the stock and froze most of the meat off the bird to make a chicken pot pie later on. I cooked down four quart bags of frozen tomatoes (from the garden) with which I will finish today by making marinara sauce for the freezer. Yesterday a friend brought leftovers from the New Year's Eve party that we were unable to attend on Saturday. There was an assortment of salads, meatballs, chicken nuggets, sliced ham, filled mushroom caps and lots and lots of Christmas sweets. My contribution to the potluck was all the fixin's for two punch bowls. Only one was made, so I got my ingredients back, plus the remainder of the first bowl of punch. We have lots of juices and drinks to keep us hydrated now, and enough food to get us through a couple of days. I will likely freeze all the sweets.

I am wearing.....a pair of torn blue jeans. I tore them just before Christmas on the sharp edge of a heater fan (don't ask), and have not repaired them yet. I am wearing a pink and brown striped shirt and slippers.

I am creating.....a new budget and a list of personal goals for 2017.

I am going.....nowhere today. I will go outside to pull the plugs on the Christmas lights.

I am hoping.....that my Sweetie and I can lose these colds. I am worn down and my husband has no immune system to fight off infections. He has spent most of his days in bed.

I am hearing.....just the sound of an occasional car traveling by. It is so quiet.

Around the house......there is so much cleaning up and tidying to do, I can't imagine where to start; but I am not going to start today anyway.

One of my favourite things......today is the sunshine streaming in through the windows.

A few plans for the rest of the week.....include four days of radiation treatment starting tomorrow. My sweetie is scheduled for day surgery on Wednesday. It remains to be seen whether or not they will do it if he is still suffering with this cold. I cancelled an appointment with my own doctor until these treatments for my husband are over, and I feel okay with that.

Here is a picture I am sharing.....

A composition book which I will use as a daily journal to map out my goals, to do lists, and successes. A planner where I will write down my daily "what did I spend on food and everything else" lists.